Remember when you were celebrating the new year, some 11 months ago and now it’s almost Christmas time again? Along came Covid-19 and cancelled everything in it’s way. 2020 will enter history as “the year that never happened”. Something our children will learn about in history books (if people still read books by then) and imagine it was like when months were renamed during the French Revolution, or how the Russian October Revolution took place in November, or when they simply skipped 11 days of October in 1582. Except now it will have been 11 months instead… if we’re lucky.

At least we have our lovely internet and zoom calls to make up for all the social distancing and make time pass us by in a split second. Thanks to that, I got to have a second chance the “Depeche Mode Jeopardy Holiday Special”, promoted by Ron Rohm from the Depeche Mode Global Fan Group coordinated with the always incredible Jenna Robbins, and competing against two strong participants: my fellow “Spirits in the Forest” co-star Dicken Schrader of DMK and Brent Meyer from Strangelove the Depeche Mode Experience. And while we’re at it, the Home website now also has a group along with the already existing FB page. Yes, it seems like a lot of us have a lot more time to spend on the internet these days. So tune in for an hour of Depeche Mode trivia. I hope you enjoy it as much as we did.

I’ve just treated myself to what’s probably the most expensive birthday gift I could have ever bought: the collector’s edition of “DMAC”, or “Depeche Mode by Anton Corbijn” as stated on the box. The career-spanning photographic anthology of Anton Corbijn’s collaboration with Depeche Mode. Forget “Strangers”, tour books, music video stills and all artworks he has produced for them. This is all of that… and then some. Starting from their accidental session for NME in 1981 (when he “did not want to touch them”), but really kicking in from 1986 on, Anton has dug deep in his archives to produce this 500-page, 2-kilo+ Gutenberg beast of a book. In case the promotional material released so far hasn’t given the actual dimension of it, bear in mind Anton is a very tall guy and the book is roughly half his height. Mine just so happened to have arrived on my birthday, but I had it delivered to the local Taschen shop. And I had to bring it home by car. I have no idea in which shelf I can fit it. Or even in which room to keep it. Or how many liters of blood I must sell to pay this off. But It’s indeed a wonderful work of art. I did’t go with “art edition” because I’m also running out of walls to hang things. Of course both versions are sold out. But a more affordable edition has been confirmed by Anton himself to be coming sometime soon. I also did a quick unboxing video for the FB “Depeche Mode Global Fan Group” which is for members only, but you can join here. Sorry for not always having the best angle. It wasn’t easy to even fit the book inside the frame.

Hard wrap

I got so excited with this 2nd anniversary of the legendary final shows of the GST in Berlin… that I left the last chapter escape the date itself. But dates are just numbers on a calendar. If you followed this far, I left off on July 23rd, 2018, the day we had the “hard wrap” of filming my scenes and I went off to see the first of the two concerts later that evening. Being part of that crew, even if for 4 days, I couldn’t help but share their feeling of accomplishment after a long and hard job around the world. This would be the first of two times I felt that in 3 days.

Days 1 (Jenna, eternally grateful), 2 (myself), and 3 to the power of 3 (DMK).

On July 24th, which was ironically my only “free day” between Friday, 20th and Wednesday 25th, 2018, I had to optimize my commitments all into: meeting friends from all over the world who were in town for the show in the morning, meet my co-stars as we checked in at the hotel (for logistic purposes I got to stay in a hotel in my own city; no one wanted our schedule to suffer delays because I was late to catch my U-Bahn and meet the rest of the guys and the crew), and later, a dinner with other Facebook Takeoverees at the Italian restaurant located on the same building as the Hansa Tonstudios (I ordered pizza; no Toast Hawaii for me, thanks), because later that evening there was a party inside the “Big Hall by the Wall”. If you’ve never been there, it can get very hot in the summer. The windows don’t open fully. It quickly turns into a sauna. And I was very exhausted. As much as I wanted to see and say hi to everyone, I also had a busy day ahead of me that started with meeting Anton at 10am the next morning and leaving by bus to the Waldbühne. I did what I could to at least say a few words to each friend I met that day.

Not just any Hotel Ultra, but one owned by Mo Ghandehari a DM fan that is a superb guy. He has a few cameos on the bar and at the karaoke as well.

We were all interviewed by Anton on the bus on the way to the venue. For whatever artistic reasons he found applicable, he decided to not include them, except the part where Dicken pours his heart about trying to cover “Precious” and the importance for an artist to send his or her political statements through their works in times like ours. I was actually the first one to be interviewed simply because I was sitting closer to the front of the bus. Unlike the rest of the documentary, we were not “prepped” for this interview ahead. We didn’t even know what subjects he would talk about with us. Anton may blame English not being his first language, but he is an enigmatic character and sometimes not so easy to understand right away, no matter the language. He asked if I thought that Depeche Mode changed a lot from show to show. What exactly did he mean? From one night to another? Can’t be, they usually make slow changes to the setlist as the tour progresses into several legs, but consecutive nights in different cities tend to have the same setlist. Did he mean from one tour to another? Was he talking about his own stage designs and short films (in which case I’d be in an awkward situation should I dare say anything negative about them to his face)? It was so unclear and I was so embarrassed to make Mr. Anton Corbijn repeat himself that I somehow weaseled my way out if it with a yes-no answer that probably only made sense to me.

Behind the wheels on the bus

A much easier question to which I gave the best answer possible (without previous knowledge of the setlist) was: what song I wanted to hear them play that night. Without a second thought I said: “The Things You Said”. Anton then became silent, stared ahead as if trying to making something out of my very complex answer. Maybe he was expecting “Enjoy The Silence”? I don’t know. They did play “The Things You Said” that night. It was a highlight of the last leg and the last show. Apart from the fact that I was wearing my Ray-Ban Wayfarer the entire bus trip (he said it was my choice to wear it during the interview or not, so I chose to stick to my 80-ish look), this scene would have made an incredible introduction to including even a snippet of TTYS into the documentary. But I already talk about economy before “Everything Counts”, I get to tell the importance of Bowie and “Heroes” to the band. And I recall some tough times I went through in my coming out experience with “Walking in my Shoes” as the soundtrack. So it’s more than made up for.

Right after our arrival, Anton gave us a tour of the stage and it’s unique narrow concrete corridor built full of sharp corners, so Adolf-you-know-who could have had better chances at escaping firearms shots at him (he was already aware he was not THAT popular by the time the Waldbühne was built as part of the 1936 Olympic ensemble of which the neighboring Olympiadstadion is part of). And at the end of the corridor: the stage! I confess it was cool to see the stage from up there, but not mindblowing. It’s just the stage… seen from the stage. This being my 10th concert of the tour, it’s hard to think I’d find any surprises. The gear was covered. The band wasn’t there. We got to wander around and take some picture, but that was it. Oh, and Fletch’s stand is slightly higher than Peter’s. That’s your GST trivia of the day.

Then, to summarize the rest of that afternoon: we were free to roam the venue. Dicken and his kids made a small perfomance while the first part of the audience was entering. Despite not included in our VIP pass, they did let us eat from the catering (c’mon, we were there since noon). And we got to meet the guys from DAF! This is particularly touching considering the recent loss of Gabi Delgado. I’m not sure if the crowd understood the relevance of DAF opening for Depeche Mode. DAF were on Mute Record BEFORE Depeche Mode. That says it all. It almost mirrors when Fad Gadget went back into action and opened several concerts of the Exciter Tour in 2001, and then sadly passed away the following year.

For the main feature of the night, we were escorted to our two not-so-secret little areas in the crowd so they could film us from the side. As we were not supposed to stare at the cameras either, we were split into 2 groups (Indra, Dicken and his kids on one side and Carine, Liz, Cristian and I on the exact opposite). Apart from this slightly inconvenient of having a camera on your face all the time, we did manage to not stare into them all concert long. Anton wanted authenticity. He wanted our most genuine reactions. None of those close up shots were rehearsed. We had no insider tip of the setlist. We were being surprised just like everyone else that night. I didn’t mess up any lyrics when it shows me singing “Where’s The Revolution” and “Heroes”. I passed my self-imposed test of “not being the goth girl crying in despair” during “Blasphemous Rumours” on “101”.

Thank you ALL so very much!

After the apotheotic ending of the show, that’s when the second “wrap up” feeling hit me. This crew (or a big part of it) had been traveling around the globe for more than a year. They became one family. Yet, like at the end of any concert, they have to hurry up to get everyone out and start disassembling the gear. I could almost see tears in their eyes as they were still doing their job. For whatever reason, some of us got leave on a van first, but I stayed behind. This was when I finally gave in and drank some beers with the DAF guys whose dressing container was next to ours. I had avoided all alcohol that hot day. I didn’t want to have to leave for the little boys’ room during the show. But I smuggled some 6 or 7 bottles of mineral water on my cargo shorts. You can see how my light grey shirt is already dark grey by the last song. That’s all sweat! Also real sweat, as Anton wanted. Not fake sprayed water over my sexy body for visual effects.

The next day I couldn’t do anything. I checked out of the hotel, went back home and slept the rest of the day. The entire day! Those 6 days blended together into one thing, but I got to recover and resume my life that I had put on hold since Friday, the 20th (and my husband so gracefully understood how important it was to me and freed me of some our shared shores during that period). Exhausted, but happy to have experienced all of this. Thank you, Depeche Mode!

Making a documentary requires creativity, even if it means leaving the door open, two crew members on the hall, one of them lying on the ground.

So now I’m already one day behind my original plan of following the events of July 2018. But who cares? Sunday, the 22nd had a lot more action in front of the cameras. Another groundhog day starting with more scenes at home at 10am. Then we were off for the scenes in the bar, at the karaoke, the surprise visit to the fans camped outside the venue and we managed to do it all before it was dark. Oh, and the very quick scene of me riding the subway that we shot in the middle of it all.

Like I said when I started these memoirs, film schedules never end up being followed, but somehow it all manages to get solved by magic. For this day, we had some strict curfew. Max deserves double bonus points here for: a) finding a regular bar that was ok with us filming inside (Berliners are super restrictive of being filmed or photographed without consent, specially if they’re inside a bar or a club) and; b) also getting the famous Monster Ronson’s Ichiban Karaoke to let us film there, as long as we were done before their opening hours. If you’re not familiar with the name, but watched Netflix’s “Sense8” (by the Wachowskis), it’s the same place Wolfgang (Max Riemelt) sings 4-Non Blonde’s “What’s Up” in telepathic connection with all the other characters from the show in one of the best episode finales of the show. It’s a Berlin classic.

On both bars I was joined by nearly the same group of friends. I thought I wasn’t even going to get a minimum of friends to make the scenes worth filming, but, magically, I did. Because we were running even ahead of schedule, I missed on having even more friends along. Of course it’s worth noting Jenna was there all the time. She was also with me the previous day either making sure my dog wouldn’t make any noise while the crew was recording ambient silence of my apartment or giving me moral support while I was running without listening to instructions.

We were also given free access to the drinks on both places because they wanted us as uninhibited as possible. To be honest, I don’t remember the exact moment they filmed me singing. We were assigned a booth. At one moment, they said we could start warming up and I picked “The Shoop Shoop Song (It’s In His Kiss)” in the style of Cher because I had seen an episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race that week that was all about Cher’s different eras and I was already drunk enough to think I could do her voice. When we were done filming there, they just told us to pick any song and wrap it and it ended up being Oasis’ “Don’t Look Back in Anger”. Everything else in between was Depeche Mode. Oh, and they had some fun too in between takes.

I had suggested to the crew on Friday about filming the fans that were camped outside the venue since early that week. I had two friends who were my moles in there. Originally we tried to do it the previous day, but since we finished after midnight, it ended up not happening. But on that Sunday we were done way ahead of schedule, so they bought my idea and we made a surprise visit to the fans that were so organized in their camp for the show that would take place the following day. I was quite proud that an idea I pitched during the filming made it to the final cut. This was the first day I got home before dark, if memory serves me right. But then again, I had a few too many vodkas to be 100% sure.

Co-director Pasqual Gutierrez falls victim to some pup-attack.

On Monday, the 23rd, we began like always with a few more scenes at home. Then some outdoor scenes with my dog. None of this made it to the final cut, but that’s life. It wasn’t 100% relevant to the narrative either. This was also the day of the first of the last two shows of the tour. The crew was sensitive enough to ask me what was my curfew to leave for the show, so they could know how late they could still make as many shots as necessary. In the end, we had out hard wrap even a bit earlier than I had told them. We had a little celebration right there at the park where we did the last shots. I’ve never been part of a feature film before, so it was nice to live this film crew experience. But then I rushed home to get ready and to the S-Bahn to the Waldbühne where I was to meet with Jenna and watch the show together. Oh, and also get to sing “Happy Birthday” to Martin Gore!

So I’m running a little late with my 2nd anniversary retrospective. Guess what? Most of that Saturday, July 21st, was about me running up and down all over town. All of the outdoor running scenes were filmed that day. But first things first. Our schedule began at 10am with the crew coming to my place for the interview part. As I was soon to learn, filming schedules end up never being followed as originally planned, but somehow everything seems to work out right in the end. So filming at my place wasn’t over that day. In fact, in everyday we started at 10 am by doing some extra shots at home.

It was the hottest week of the year. The crew was so huge I had to keep the apartment door open. My dog enjoyed making surprise visits to the neighbors, even when they weren’t so thrilled about it. The crew picked the shirt was wearing. If you have a keen eye for Depeche Mode merch, it’s an original (and quite worn out) “The Singles Tour” T-shirt. Something I bought on ebay some 20 years ago, my very first DM shirt and it’s not something I’d wear when going out, but it made it to the final cut of the film.

Once we were done with the interview part, we went out for what I called “the Nike ad filming”. They really had the sunlight timed out perfectly the previous day. We spent hours doing some 6 or 7 takes of me running under the Gleimtunnel (which is only 130m long). Between each take, they’d check the playback, adjust something on the camera, do a take from the front, another from behind, another running along. It felt like we spent some three hours doing that. Then we moved on to Kreuzberg where most of the running scenes were made. All I had to do was run after “action” and stop whenever they decided they had enough material. That actually got me sweating since I only knew when to start running, but no idea when to stop. The part under the U-Bahn was particularly challenging because they were filming from across the street and I couldn’t listen to their commands without turning my head as well. But the light was sensational. I think we must have filmed roughly between 20h and 22h.

We still had one more scene they wanted, which didn’t make it to the final cut, sadly. They wanted some indoors running scene as well and since they couldn’t find a gym that would agree on letting us do it on such a short notice, they figured they would use their guest privilege of the sister hotel that they were staying. The work-out room of the sister hotel just so happened to be on the 1st floor, on the corner of the building that had full glass windows. I got in with the producer and the rest of the crew was parked outside discretly pointing their camera at me running on a treadmill from across the street. The producer was in charge of relaying the instructions. The whole thing didn’t last much and I never got to take a peek of how it came out, so maybe it was totally rubbish from a visual perspective. It’s the sort of crazy thing I wish they had used, but maybe it could have caused them legal fun later on. Oh well, another day going to bet around 1am with a 10am schedule to get going the next morning.

So let’s fast forward a little. On April 13th, 2018, I got another late night email with the subject “Depeche Mode Film Opportunity”. It was an invitation to take part in a project that would focus on the fans. Despite the vague description of the whole thing, I accepted immediately. I felt honored to have been selected, but I didn’t know much about what were they aiming for. I thought it would be a 30-min (maximum) bonus on their Global Spirit Tour DVD. It wasn’t until a few days before I started filming that the other selected fans found me online and added me to our own little chat. We started putting the pieces of the puzzle together. And that’s when we realized this was going to be something much bigger.

After I replied with my (obvious) acceptance, it took them more than a month to reply. They were busy putting their entire schedule together. I also had a Skype talk with the crew where we got to know each other and cover most of the subjects you see in the film. This was a very carefully crafted job that involved some serious research. They knew how to weight in the whole point of the movie and also be captivating even for non-fans. I think we can all agree the final cut is something you can show your friends and say: “this is why I am a Depeche Mode fan” and they’d get it.

Precisely two years ago, on Friday, July 20th, 2018, we set up to meet in person so we could go location scouting. They arrived late, which in Germany is a peccatum mortale, specially if by “late”, it means “a few hours late”. They had forgotten something in their hotel and had to go back. Fortunately, during this time of the year there’s enough daylight to explore places until it’s almost midnight. I showed them around several places in Prenzlauer Berg and they had their own list of a few places in Kreuzberg to visit as well. We wrapped up that day by having something to eat at Doyum, my to-go place in the Kottbusser Tor area when the overhyped Südblock is packed and has a long waiting line. This was the first day I’d go to bed around 1am with our filming schedule set for 10am the following morning. This routine would repeat itself during some 6 days that blurred together in my head.

It was also on this day that I met co-directors John Merizalde and Pasqual Gutierrez (whose’s sister is a Devotee, so he knew where he was stepping into by assuring me “it won’t be another 101”), both so young and talented. I also met producer Jefferis Gray (whose’s first name I misspelled on a million emails without noticing), and Max, the local Fixer, who happened to be the only real Berliner in our local crew, but also a magician in terms of solving location issues. I’m probably leaving 2/3 of the people I was introduced that afternoon out. I’m terrible with being introduced to a pack of people at once. I can’t remember if Jeremy Snell, director of photography, was already there on this day, but most likely yes. Producer Dustin Highbridge, however, I would only meet the following day and under an awkward situation, which I’ll leave for the next post.

As we approach the 2nd anniversary of the epic closure of the Global Spirit Tour, recently released on CD, DVD and Blu-Ray. I decided to take a quick look back at what was the entire experience like for me. I’ll try to post for a few days on a row until we finish this July 25th. The D-day, or maybe I should call it the DM-day.

But let’s begin from the beguine. Actually more than a year before. When people ask me how was I chosen to be on “Spirits in the Forest”, the story starts in early 2017. The band had announced the “Fan Facebook Takeover”, where they’d choose one fan per day during one year to curate the posts on their FB page. At first, I didn’t bother to apply. I thought: “there will be a million contestants to choose from, why should I even try?” When a very dear friend said: “give it a try.” And so I did, not knowing very well how to sell my application.

“Spirit” was released on March 17, 2017. The Takeover was supposed to have started a few weeks before, in February, if I’m not mistaken. I hadn’t even paid attention that it was late if it wasn’t one email I got the evening before the album was released. I had been invited to kick off the Takeover AND watch the special VIP-only album premiere show (aka “Telekom Street Gigs” at the Funkhaus Nalepastraße), which just so happened to be in Berlin that Friday evening. Needless to say it took me a few hours to sleep with such excitement arriving just before my bed time.

But the posts were supposed to be sent to the agency running the massive campaign by Friday evening. Everything was in Pacific Time as the agency was based in Los Angels (hence the emails coming always late in the evening). That meant a very early Saturday morning deadline for me. I had a doctor’s appointment that Friday morning, I had to go to any Saturn or MediaMarkt to buy the album both in vinyl and the exclusive box set that included the deluxe 2CD edition and a pin. Oh, and I also had to be at the concert venue by 17h. Also, amidst all this excitement, I misread the part about character limit per post and wrote 600-word long posts, instead of 600 characters in that short Friday afternoon. I also wanted to make my own little music video to opening track “Going Backwards” which was a spot-on opening track on the album (and also on the concert, as I was soon to find out).

So I obviously exceeded my time rewriting my posts and rendering a video completely made of copyright-free stock footage and the takeover kicked off with my (until then) unknown neighbor, Jenna Robbins being “Day 1” and I was shifted to “Day 2”. We both guess we were chosen, partially because we were both living in Berlin and could attend the show and we could be were each other’s back up. As I learned later on from later takeoverees (a term coined by Jenna), they were given a bit more time to prepare their posts (something between 4 to 7 days), unlike us who had to rush with ours on a particularly busy day and we really didn’t have other takeover posts to guide us on what to write about. Jenna is so organized she really deserves to be remembered as “Day 1”, as she became a driving force by putting us all takeoverees in contact with each other.

From here on, all the fans who were chosen for the Takeover seem to have entered into a sort of a shortlist of fans for all purposes: random goodies on the mail, new products for unboxing videos, everything. We were always being teased that our adventure wasn’t over just yet and there was already “more to come”. I guess you know by now why I started the story from here. And in case you’d like to remember, my takeover posts are here, here, here, here, and here.

Now hold on, there’s more to come…

“SPiRiTS in the Forest”/”Live Spirits” 2BD/2CD, 2DVD/2CD, and “Live Spirits Soundtrack” 2CD out on June 26th, 2020!

Order yours from the official UK or US Depeche Mode Store. Or check your favorite retailer here. As always, keep up with official information about “SPiRiTS in the Forest” from the film official website.

I was lazy enough to let Glen Hammarstrom’s first edition of the Breathing in Fumes Podcast Live Brunch pass and not post about it here. This time I won’t. Head over to Twitch at 10am PST, 18h UK, 19h CET, next Sunday, May 17th, for a daily dose of DM in that awesome mix magic that only Glen knows how to do.

Since we’re at it, Glen’s regular episodes of the Breathing in Fumes Podcast are a must, in case you don’t already follow them. You can go check them out on his site. And you can follow updates on all platforms known to mankind as of the writing of this post such as iTunes, SpotifyGoogle Play, iHeartRadioTwitterFacebookInstagramSoundcloud., and Youtube.

And by the way, the 12th episode below features special guests: David McElroy and yours truly having some fun about lots of things, including surnames. Be sure to check this and all others!

I know I’ve been absent from here and for the most contradictory of reasons: the partial lockdown which I turned into my own self quarantine. I’ve just reduced my trips outside to the essential. But like every sane and insane person in the world, this is obviously affecting us on a psychological level. Even being at home longer made me less productive. But moving on…

Umberto Tozzi (along with Laura Branigan, of course) must be my own personal frequency illusion bias (aka Baader-Meinhof phenomenon). One line from a Brazilian cover version of his 1982 hit song “Eva” got stuck on repeat on my head these days. The cover is not a word by word translation, but the lyrics follow the same apocalyptical idea. It translate into “it’s the end of the human adventure on Earth”. That’s when I reached to my Spotify to find out it was the name I had given to the very first playlist I put together on that platform a few years ago and never finished it (a playlist is never finished, is it?).

So I crawled out of my inertia and continued with the end of the world theme. I dropped the title in Portuguese (and couldn’t find an equally dramatic in the Italian original). I just went a bit more poppy and came up “It’s Pandemonum!” taken from the 2009 Pet Shop Boys song (here in a live version interpolated with “Can You Forgive Her?”). I tried to not overkill it with too many obvious choices (including Depeche Mode). I went for some covers or alternate versions instead of originals. I also had to make some concessions given what was available on my end. After so  many versions, I settled with this, which is more uplifting than when it started. I hope all 30 songs are available everywhere. Well, give it a try. “Don’t worry. I won’t hurt you. I just want you to have some fun.”  ;^)

Also, feel free to drop a suggestion in the comments below.